I found some old journals dating back to 2001 (can you believe it’s been almost a decade?). A couple things jumped out at me from the very oldest entries.

I got a flyer today for this job fair I’m going to on wednesday. I’m going to be able to meet and talk to recruiters from such fine companies as:

7-11 inc.
AFLAC (AFLAC!)
Dominion Virginia Power (Evil)
IRS – Criminal Investigation (Really think I can get a security clearance?)
Kroger Mid-Atlantic
NAPA Auto Parts
Naval Surface Warfare Center (Military industrial complex here I come)
Philip Morris U.S.A. (Sadly enough I really wouldn’t mind working for them)
Walgreens
YMCA of Greater Richmond
Rainbow Station, Inc. (rainbow station?)
Northrop Grumman Newport News.
Navy Civilian Jobs
Target Stores
Verizon Wireless (Fucking cell phones…)
Toys “R” Us (for once I actually want to grow up though)
and a whole lot of different public school systems.

Wow, it’s so crazy ironic that the first time I heard the name of the place I ended up working for for three and a half years, I found it distasteful for the same reason that haunted me endlessly for all that time. The money made me into a hypocrite. Whatever though, I can’t even summon proper anger about it anymore. Notes I took for a gigantic screed I was going to write about it just ended up languishing (it would have been good — maybe).

I dreamt that I was back in high school. Not my high school, one of the ones around here. And I was older than everyone else. Turns out that my university requires that you take certain classes in high school before you can get your college degree. So there I was, twenty three and going to class at a high school and bitching about how stupid it was to anyone who would listen…

Here it is, I’ve been out of school for 7 years now and I still have this dream every now and again. And usually I’m coming up on the final in the class and I have no idea what’s going on. I haven’t been there in months. It’s a miracle I knew it was final time. Sometimes I don’t even know where the class is meeting. Not that they moved, I don’t know where they were in the first place. I don’t know where my schedule is, I don’t know how to look it up. And because of my utter degeneracy, it’s going to be yet another endless, boring, unemployed, ridiculous semester before I can finally have my degree. And even now, after all this time, when I wake it it’s at least a few seconds before the relief of knowing that I’m done with school comes flooding like hot bathwater into my chilled heart.