I went in to work for a little while today. I felt anxious and guilty about not being there working and anxious and guilty about feeling that way. In my defense: I know I’m going to have to take a week off sometime this month to take care of some family business that’s come up, so the fact that I was still on vacation while I knew I was going to have to take more time off early in the new year added to my guilt. Also, I was under the impression that New Years day was Saturday, so I was all screwed up calendarwise.

I rode the bus in intending on some very high level design work and revising my yearly performance goals, the kind of work you’re supposed to do when it’s quiet in the office and the kind of output that I consider myself best at, what I do to distinguish myself. When I got there and sat down and tried to work my body was in its usual position but I was somewhere else entirely. Coffee didn’t help.

I very slowly ground my way through 4 and a half hours and then took the bus home and when I got home I was achy-bone, head-nodding exhausted.

I am just limping my way to the end of this decade people; Lurching like I’m sunblind, drunk and sleep deprived.